My alltime favorite email….

This one is just so ridiculous it has to be saved forever. I received it almost a year ago and really had thought I had posted it but I guess I did not. Anyways, without further ado…

maxpain76 wrote:
hi there, I would like to know your name so I can refer better to you or I can call you beautiful, I may call you bunny eyes, baby smile and many other pretty names but any way how are you doing? I really like your profile specially your pretty smile, those beautiful eyes that God made for you creating light again. I would have the opportunity to know you better, I believe to have a great relationship there must be a friendship and with the friendship came, trust, respect and love. Love is a walking trail where two people walk the same path and seeking the same goal. But the most important quality is communication. If you got any questions please let me know.


Not at ALL creepy that his username separates out to “max pain” and as lovely as it sounds, I have no desire to be called “bunny eyes” by anyone.

xoxo Goldilocks

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

A Gem of a Message

Hello to my few devoted readers, I love you guys!  Anyways, I haven’t posted recently as life has been full of some pretty crazy changes.  I have changed jobs this month and in addition am also moving homes, so that has taken over quite a bit of my free time.  However, yesterday I got what a good friend determed to be “On our rankings of worst messages ever-this one is definitley #1.”  So as a result I felt the need to share it with all of you.  This particular suiter wrote the following message:

How are you? m bit anxious as this would be the first and last chance for me to make an impression on you , never wrote to a girl on this.
You are blessed with a really innocent beautiful eyes and a cute smile- Frankly, I got my heart pumping when I saw u at first. So much peaceful to eyes. Really Impressed with your views and profile details – seems quite beautiful n real as your appearance, again your smile (touch wood).

So refreshing and can heal anything, by your thoughts and appearance you are really dream-girl for every man :)

It would be a pleasure to interact with you :-p

Really, speaking from heart and nothing to do with flirt. just want to get along with you as a friend to start with.

If you feel like these thoughts hit on you, please reply back because genuine guys are rare… :)
Wish you all Good Health, good l uck, Lods n Lods of Care and Smiles,


As my good friend is also navigating the wonderful world of online dating, we frequently share the most noteworthy messages with each other.  Her response was equally entertaining so I will also share her evaluation of the above suiter.

On our rankings of worst messages ever-this one is definitley #1. He seems quite cuddly though.
Things wrong with this message:
1) He lives in Birmingham, Alabama.
2) His grammar:
“fun loving person,njoy cooking” (does that mean he wants you to cook for him?…)
“driving” (does he want you to be a chauffer?)
“so refreshing and can heal anything” (apparently you can heal anything with your smile goldilocks. smile at me…i have a headache)
3) he says your smile gives him a boner yet he wants you to drive him places and cook for him, but don’t worry…he just wants to be your friend first.
4) “if you feel like these thoughts hit on you…” awesome. i feel like someone used a free translator and i feel like i’m going to use that line next time i hit on a guy. and i feel like this guy’s thoughts did hit me…they hit me like a ton of bricks.
lods n lods of care and smiles, :)

So, my dear friends, if you are in a relationship be very very grateful for him and those weird moments when you may think twice, because as you can see, the pool of available men is seriously lacking truly quality specimen at the moment.

C’est la vie… on to the next potential Mr. Right, oh and remember ladies genuine guys are rare… ;-)

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

One of my favorites…

I got this message quite a while ago (March 6th) and have yet to forget it.  It comes from a 32 year old, to be honest pretty creepy looking, and it says:

hi hi hi…
You have to help me with something…you have to help me answer this question, why am i drawn to you? You need to help me rationalize this for me.


Well, dear Karlos, I don’t have to do anything, and trust me I did not.

I feel like this makes me sound very mean, but it is just not a first impression that makes me jump to attention to respond.  Thoughts?  Would anyone else have reacted differently?

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Back at it…

Hello to all my devoted readers.  I apologize it has been so long since my last entry.  Work got really busy and I took a little break from all things dating briefly.  I have since joined to see how things are there.  I got bored of eharmony and the limitations associated with it so I jumped ship and am exploring the world of  I have been on three first dates so far I think, all have been fine, nothing spectatcular, and no 2nd dates as of now.  One thing that will keep me entertained and give me something to share with my few loyal followers, is I will post some of the more interesting messages I receive on the site.  There are some real gems I promise. 

I received this one today and it comes from a 40 year old gentleman in Boulder, CO.  Mind you my age range on the site that is clearly stated on my profile is men ages 26 to 35.  His email says “hi, i find your profile VERY interesting, and you strike me as an intelligent person. i’d like to get together with you at starbucks and see if we have a match. matt”

My initial thoughts, he might think I sound intelligent, but if he can’t even take the time to capitalize proper words in his sentences or even his name, how intelligent will he be?  My general process with guys on this site is to email back and forth a few times to make sure we have some common interests before I just run out and meet them.  I want to be sure we will have things to talk about and that I am interested in getting to know them further.  If I am not interested enough to respond to their emails, it is a clear sign to me to not take the time to meet them in person.  Maybe that’s just me. 

I will be back soon with more entertaining emails to share and updates on what has been going on.


xoxo Goldilocks

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

It can only get better from here…

Wow I can’t believe it has already been two weeks since my initial voyage into the online dating world. It has been relatively slow but also pretty entertaining. I was pretty active on plentyoffish (POF) for the first few days but after one disastrous date I have been shying away and am not sure how much longer I will keep with it. More on that date later.

I made the decision with eharmony to go ahead and pay after I found a discount code online. For anyone considering joining a site like this, I highly recommend searching online for sites that collect promo codes and try them, nothing bad happens if they don’t work, but you might also get a good deal. The eharmony rates when I was looking were at minimum $24 a month for 12 months I think; all collected in your first three months. So really it’s approximately $280 for a year. Other options were $30+ a month for 6 months or $40 something a month for a three month membership. With a simple search online for promo codes I found a code that worked and got me a 3 month membership for $30 total. Success! As I have now realized, there is really no other way to do the online dating scene. As stereotypical or judgmental as it may sound, sharing pictures helps. I was way too hesitant to continue communicating with people knowing they could see me but I could not see them. Eharmony gives you anywhere from 5- 10 new matches a day and I have successfully navigated all of the steps of their guided communication.

What are all the stages of the guided communication you ask? It actually reminds me of sorority recruitment a little bit. It is very mutually selective. There are four stages and throughout the stages each person must make the decision to continue the process. Let’s say the guy initiates the process. He would send the girl the 5 multiple choice questions as I mentioned in the first post. When the girl receives them she can choose to ignore the questions upon review of his profile and close the match, or she can answer his questions and choose to ask him 5 questions in return. Upon receipt of his answers it is then the girls job to initiate the next stage of the process. Sending your “must haves and can’t haves” which are 10 traits or characteristics that a potential mate must have or can’t have. For example, for me, we must have chemistry and he must have ambition and family values, but he can’t be a pessimist or have an addiction to illegal substances. He would then review your list and send his own. If you accept his list and feel that it applies to you then you ask 3 open ended questions. You can choose from a long list of examples or write your own. The guy would answer your questions and then ask their own 3 questions if they want to proceed. After you answer their questions it is in the guys hands to enter the stage of eharmony email. Once this stage has been entered communication is open to both sides to communicate freely. It is also still secure and at this stage they still don’t know your last name or easily identifiable information about you, outside of what you have told them, so there is still some comfort and security even though this is a person you are meeting and getting to know over the internet. So far I have entered the email stage with three guys, all pretty different with different backgrounds. I share some common interests with all of them. I think if we are both interested, it will take meeting them and seeing how our chemistry is in person to really gauge any potential that we might have together, but so far they seem pretty great and I am excited to see what may happen with any of them. My first date with one of them is this Saturday, and with no hint whatsoever he picked one of my favorite restaurants to meet up for dinner, already a HUGE step up from that horrendous date I mentioned previously.

Ok, now that I have bored you with the workings of eharmony I will share with you the disaster of a date I had… get ready because it is a good one. We’ll call him Joker for the purpose of my story. I subjected myself to this disaster, I initiated the contact and sent him a message, his profile seemed interesting and like we might have a few things in common. His profile picture was pretty cute and everything else seemed to line up. We sent messages back and forth a few times, first the basic, where are you from, what do you like to do, where have you traveled, and then he changed it up and asked me what I would want for my last meal if I was on death row.  Now to some this may be weird, but I thought it was interesting and I was intrigued by the fact that he was going outside of the normal questions I was getting from most of the other guys on the site. Oh, to be clear, this was a POF candidate, not eharmony. His fellow POF comrades are consistent with the simple “hello” message, or the “let’s hang out”… umm really, who are you? I realize I joined these sites myself, but I’m not about to run out the door to meet some random guy from the internet without exchanging at least some information about ourselves. I need to feel curious or interested to take the time to meet you. I digress… back to Joker. It was a Sunday afternoon when we exchanged phone numbers. I got a few texts from him where we went back and forth about the possibility of meeting up that evening, I shared with him that I had the next day off from work, mistake #1.  Mistake because it takes my excuse to need to get home at a reasonable hour for work out of the equation.  He later called and explained that he was at a friends house recording music or something… I’m thinking cool he has friends and interesting hobbies. Also during our call he tells me about his obsession with the willy wonka candy Kazoozles, mistake #2, a guy that spends 10 minutes of your first phone conversation, which in total was probably no more than 15 minutes long, telling you about how he loves this type of candy and it is addicting like heroin. Now the icing on the cake of the whole interaction, apparently during that day he ran into an old high school friend on the street and his friend would be working at JR’s that night, would I want to accompany him to such a place? Here is where I clue you in to the hidden humor in all of this; JR’s is a gay bar. Not the typical location for a first date but in my head I’m thinking, we just met online, in case this is completely awkward, hopefully the bar will be pretty active and we won’t be left to ourselves. So, I figure, I have to get the first official date out of the day, no time like the present, just get it over with.

The Joker called me on my way to the bar to ask where I was and how soon I would be there. I was maybe 5-10 min max away from the bar. He says great see you there. I missed a turn so it ended up taking me maybe 5 minutes longer to arrive. I get there and it’s a nice night out so I decide to stand outside and wait before going in. On the phone he expressed that he wanted to make sure we walked in together because he was nervous about going in alone.  If you can’t handle being a straight guy at a gay bar, why did you suggest it? Super lame if you ask me. I like a guy with some confidence. So I wait, and I wait. 15 minutes later I text my roommate and ask her how long I should wait. He called to make sure I’m coming so he can’t be standing me up right? Then I become paranoid that he’s hiding somewhere and watching me, waiting for me to walk back to my car. Then I finally decide, one more minute, if he’s not there in one more minute I am out of here. Then magically, the phone rings, oh that’s a detail I forgot, Joker told me his phone was dying when we spoke while I was on my way… so I tried calling while waiting and no answer- straight to voicemail.. anyway the phone rings, and he asks where I am… UMM DUDE! I’ve been standing outside of this gay bar for almost 20 minutes just like we talked about. He says he got into an argument with a friend and he is now on his way.. asks me to please not leave. In the end, he showed up, 35 MINUTES AFTER I GOT THERE! Not a great first impression whatsoever.  So at this point my normally happy, bubbly, laid back personality is already being tested. On top of that, his profile had him listed as 5’8”, I am around 5’4” and I was wearing heels, I towered over him, as in 2 or 3″ which would make him more like 5’6″ because they were not that high.. no way he was really 5’8”… now we are really not off to a great start.  (As a result my new minimum for height is AT least 5’9″ if not 5’10″… And more, he didn’t look like he had showered or combed his hair or shaved at all that day.. now I’m not that high maintenance, I probably don’t need all of those things, it’s Sunday I get it if you don’t want to shave, but I don’t think the other two are all that much to ask. In my head all I can think is how soon will this be over. But, I’m optimistic and want to give him a chance, I showered and went to the trouble to clean myself up, I needed to see it through. But in reality… it was all downhill from there. It has taken me so long to write about it because after the initial laugh I was trying not to think about it. The highlights include:
– He had to walk to our date because he got a DUI and doesn’t have a license.  We all make mistakes and I probably could have dealt with this.. except he said for his DUI he spent 30 days in jail, ummm no way on your first DUI you spend 30 days in jail, so this is a huge red flag that there is more in his history that he is not sharing…
– He strongly believes Jesus Christ saved his life and he can save mine too.  And by the way, you don’t need to go to God, “the big guy” as he called him, Jesus is there for you anytime.
– I couldn’t get a word in ever; he literally talked the entire time. (If you know me personally you can just imagine this one playing out, let’s just say I can talk quite a bit myself…)
– The bouncer at the door gave us the most hilarious look when we walked in the door, he had just seen me wait 30+ minutes outside and then I walk in with this small version of a man. I think he had a good laugh inside. And he gave me a hug which I think intimidated the Joker.  But I appreciated the hard time he gave him for keeping me waiting so long.
– It was karaoke night at the bar, thank goodness, it gave me something to pay attention to while he was yammering on and on and on.
At the end of the date, he decided to tell me he didn’t think we had much in common and he would not be calling me again to hang out. In my head I rejoiced as I had just spent the entire previous two hours thinking of what I would say if he did want to see each other again. He also decided to tell me that mentally I was not there; he thought I had been checked out all night. He thought that I was still attached to my ex. We are still friends and I will always have a special place in my heart for him but I am ready to meet new people and start dating again.  I am very confident in this fact. He can think what he wants, and take my lack of interest in him as a sign of whatever will help him sleep at night, but I don’t need someone who has known me for 2 hours max to overanalyze “where I am.” He then tried to kiss me, hahahahha, I almost laughed, dude you just told me you never want to talk to me again and now you expect me to kiss you. He also mentioned that he thinks I should take time to myself, because you know he owns his house and has his “stuff” together … really? You can’t drive yourself to the date and you’re going to tell me I don’t have my life together… ok sure. He reminds me that Jesus can save me. And then he tries to hold my hand and say maybe we should try this again. UMM NO.. you just told me 2 minutes ago you never wanted to talk to me again and now you do… ok I’m done. I called him out for his mixed signals, thanked him for my two beers… and made my way home. I’m hoping the worst of things that can happen on a date just worked their way out of my system and it can only go up from here. Because that was miserable and if it weren’t for the awesome singers at karaoke I don’t think I would have survived.

On the bright side, I have a date with a guy from eharmony on Saturday and I am really excited. I need to come up with his code name. I think after our date I will have a better idea on a fitting name for him. So, stay tuned, there are many single girl adventures to come :-)

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

So many fish…

Annnnd so it begins.  Today I made a big decision.  I joined two different online dating sites and decided to share my experiences with anyone interested in reading.  I joined, a free dating site that was recommended by a friend.  In addition, is doing a free “communication” trial until Sunday so I filled out all the questions to be able to check out that free trial as well.  Only problem is, you can’t see your “matches” photos unless you pay for the upgraded service.  We’ll see how it goes until Sunday and then go from there on whether or not I want to pay for it.  So far, I’m unsure how I feel about it.  It almost seems too controlled by them, the starter conversation I got from someone today was 5 pretty vague questions with pre-determined answers and you pick the answer that suits you best.  The only form of response you can give aside from answering the questions asked of you is to pick your own 5 questions out of a list of 40+ and see if they decide to answer you…  Anyone else used this service, what did you think about it?

I was debating between and, from what I have heard from anyone I know familiar with these sites, match seems to be more for guys looking to hook up with girls, and eharmony is more for people looking for something even a little bit more meaningful.  As I said on the about page, this is my first time back on the dating scene in over 5 years.  I had a great relationship with someone who was a friend before, and over time we became a couple.  It was an incredible and happy relationship that ended on good terms between two people who saw their lives going in ultimately opposite directions.  We remain in touch and very close friends.  During our five years together we weatherd some ups and downs in our own lives and were there for each other and have no intention to not remain friends just because we are no longer a couple.  I’m sure if and when I become close to someone else, this may become an issue, I hope that it will not but understand that it could be a difficult situation.

So in the end, day 1 has been interesting.  Plentyoffish appears to be quite the melting pot of guys.  Some feel the need to message you, but all the have to say is “hi.”  Really?  You took the time to create a profile and go to the trouble of messaging me, but all you have to say is “hi”?  If you want to talk to me, put together a few cohesive sentences, a little effort.  If you meet a girl in person do you expect to walk up to her, say hi, and have her melt into your arms?  No, you put effort into a pick up line, or an opening statement at least.  The other thing I have noticed is a lot of obvious misspellings, now I will be the absolute first to admit that I am not even close to perfect on my own spelling or grammar.  But your “headline” and the first few sentences of your “about me” are your first impression for someone.  Would you walk up to someone in person without brushing your teeth, or speak to a girl your interested in like a barbarian? Again, no, because you should want to impress her and catch her attention.  You should treat your headline and about me in the same manner, I want to be impressed, I want to read something that catches my eye and makes me want to learn more.

Those are just a few of my first impressions.  I’m sure I will have plenty more to comment on as the days go on.  At this point my goal would be to find somene to spend some time with and get to know.  I’m not desperate to jump into a relationship or get married next year, but it would be nice to meet some new people and have someone to spend an evening with enjoying good food, or trying out something new. Here’s hoping there are some good fish in that sea and I may have the chance to get to test the waters with them. 

Please comment on your thoughts on the subject of this blog.  Any areas you would be especially interested in me looking into or writing about?  I want my laughs, cries, and anything in between to be helpful to all those other single girls out there in search of Mr. Right.  For now, good luck!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment